One of the things that we talked about at my training in Colorado is the paradox of leaving for the mission field. On one hand, it’s really exciting to get to go to the place where God called me, on the other . . . I’m going to miss everyone SO MUCH! Last weekend, I went up to Minneapolis to visit with and say goodbye to a couple of my good friends. While it was SO good to get time with them (and meet some of their friends), it was also SO hard to say goodbye. It also reminded me that I have more goodbyes to come that are going to be hard as well. I can’t even describe how it feels to be both ecstatic and heartbroken at the same time.
This time in the states has had its ups and downs. I think some of the downs have been my own fault for not having the right attitude going into things. For a long time, I tried living in the states while keeping my heart in Czech. Looking back, I’ve realized that a lot of the reason I did that was to protect my heart from getting hurt. If I didn’t get close to anyone during the time I was here, it wouldn’t be hard when I had to say goodbye. But instead of protecting my heart, I ended up hurting my heart in the long run by not getting close to anyone. Thankfully, God has allowed me to push through and I’ve been blessed with some AMAZING friendships with people who will be all over the world.
One of the great things about being in the states has been the time with my niece and nephews. I have to admit, it’s hard to leave everyone, but when I leave and come back to a kid I hardly recognize…it breaks my heart more than anything. This past year or so has been so great to be able to soak up as much time as I can with the kids I’m going to miss the most. (My 1 & ½ year old nephew is even saying Auntie Autumn all the time now.)
I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this paradox I’m living in. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of a life of paradox. One of my friends even said to me, “As missionaries we’ll always have a sense of homesickness, no matter where we live.” I’m not looking forward to always having this feeling, but at the same time…this isn’t really our permanent home, so how comfortable should we really get here?
1 comments:
Hello neighbor,
I found your blog in a google searh for Elim Church, Pisek. We attend CCC in St. Charles and are going to Pisek to work with Elim Church during family camp. It would be nice to connect with you if you'd like? You can contact me at estrahota@hotmail.com if you wish.
God's goodness to you... ED
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